i've been thinking.
where am i going?
i don't know. i'm going to a place better. marriage. i will have a support system by my side. its good now. but its gonna be better. i'll wake up with him by my side, and instantly smile. i know this. i am going to a better place. a place of living for someone. a place of cooking, laundry, cleaning, everything for him.
what am i doing?
i am living. i am going about day to day. i am trying to please everyone. i am doing a no sugar bet. it sucks. i am trying to get healthy. i am working everyday. i am trying to please my family. i am trying to please my fiance. i am trying to please myself. but sadly, the only time i am truly satisfied, is when i'm pleasing everyone else. but really, that brings me the most happiness, and i'm ok with that.
who am i?
i am a daughter. a friend. a sister. an aunt. a sister-in-law. an aid. a listener. a fiance. a supporter. a helper. a worrier. a watcher. a procrastinator. a peace maker. a singer. a cousin. a scrapbooker. a foot masseuse. a music freak. a flight watcher. an american idol watcher. a co-worker. a granddaughter. a niece. i am mindy. completely imperfect and alive.
who do i want to be?
i want to be brave. to be a psychologist. a wife. a mom. an amazing auntie. a better fiance. a better daughter. a better friend. a better sister. i want to write more. i want to scrapbook more. i want to sing more. i want to be everything i dreamed of when i was little.
BUT. i am what i am. i will try to be better. i will be all that i can. i just have to embrace being me. and worrying about "numero uno"first- as mike would say. haha. i don't know where i'll be in a year from now. but i'll do my best to make it better.