this is my year.

when i first saw this (the above picture) i thought, ya right- this is NOT my year. But then, i re-thought it. i contemplated, & then i realized that this IS my year. ya, of course it started out rough... but i will be stronger. i will be happier. i will be wiser. i will be rebuilt. i will make my mark. i will be smarter. i will be one step closer to finding who i am. i will become who i am supposed to be. i will be found. this is the year that i will always remember as a defining time in my life. when i was literally in the depths of despair. and then i realized....

my health depends on my happiness. i can't go on without a smile on my face. i choose happiness. i hate change. if anyone knows me at all- they know that. i crave consistency. i crave it. i get anxiety when life takes a different direction. i like knowing whats gonna happen before it happens. i need to loosen up. i need to let go. i choose happiness- because it is good for my health.

I believe in myself. i know that if i can get through this- i can get through anything. i can go back to school. i can find a career path that fits me. i can do it. i can try and try again. i am not a failure. i will be better. i will find the path i am supposed to be on. i believe i can- and i will.

p.s. papers were filed today. 3.23.11. appx 60 days from now...its all final. that will be one of "those" days.  then i will begin life as Mindy Riggs- the end of a hard road, and a new beginning of possibilities.

side note: pinterest.com is great. i searched 'words'. and thats where i get all these fantastic artsy sayings. 

be your own hero.

"Strength and resilience emerge by your own will to become a better person no matter what downfalls happen in your life...be your own hero."

i'm pretty sure anyone on facebook is sick of my quotes and photo quotes. then anyone who comes to my blog gets a page full of quotes too.

i dont have a way with words, and its easier to use others quotes to describe exactly how i feel. 

each step in this "process" has its heart wrenching moments.and when i thought i wouldn't break down, the next step comes and i crumble.  but i have to remind myself daily- that at the end of everyday, i made it through & tomorrow will be better. my strength to keep going is not my strength alone. i have so many people rooting me on. i know that i will be stronger. 

on a lighter note- its spring break, and i started it off with a pampering spa day with my sisters Traci & amy & our friend Jenna. MUCH needed & deserved...>I< think. it started with shopping at Scottsdale Fashion- went to H&M for the first time! Then we headed to get a facial & massage. (i need to go regularly for a massage. maybe at SWI-HA.) 

ended the night at dinner & then had ice cream with our Sprinkles cupcakes- also my first time! amazing.

i'm going to leave you with my favorite quote pic of the day:

strength unknown

I know to anyone who has been through this- there isnt anything anyone can say that "makes it all better", these wounds take time to heal. you have to find strength within yourself to find peace in the adversity & find a place in your heart to heal. it keeps playing in my mind (maybe you find it odd, but its very real to me), a peace sign; that has been shattered and broken- and then pieced back together. it surely didn't happen overnight. it happened because i let it. slowly.
 everyone has trials. everyone has these heart wrenching experiences. everyone has a choice. we can choose to be hurt. we can choose to be angry. we can choose to be sad. i believe that those are steps we have to go through in the healing process. but part of it is embracing the hardship, and letting it make us stronger. i choose to be stronger. i cannot let this experience drag me down. yes, every step will have its moments of sadness- but there will be a time when i can look back and realize i made the best of what i was dealt.
Ecclesiastes 3: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven....
a time to break down, and a time to build up....A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"

Joseph B Worthlin said:
“Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. "

“But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. “No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, in this life or the next, Sunday will come."

 

he also said "Every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don't sing and bells don't ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result."

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together
when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true
strength.”You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you
really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived
through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must
do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt
If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to
pick one of those pieces up and begin again.  ~Flavia
 I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.  ~Jewish Proverb
"The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter."
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead
and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat.  I'm all ready you see.Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me!~Dr. Seuss
p.s. this is my journal. these are my feelings & the quotes that help in my healing.